In my previous post, I talked about the experience people often have that love and marriage just don’t mix for them. It’s as if Venus, the part of us that falls in love, is arguing with Juno, the part of us that marries. But if we find out what each of these parts really wants and we satisfy them both, it’s possible to have a stable, consistent relationship you can count on, along with all the love, romance and erotic connection you can handle.
If you don’t know where Venus is in your astrology chart, you can make your own chart on Astro.com to find out.
What Venus Wants According To Her Sign
Venus in Aries wants a partner who’s honest, direct and fiery. This Venus is impulsive about love and wants a strict “No Phonies!” zone. When this Venus is unhappy, she is irritable, annoyed and picks fights with the partner, possibly even getting physical.
Venus in Taurus wants touch, physical affection and languorous sensuality. Don’t rush this one! Oh, and did I mention shopping and fine food? When this Venus is unhappy, she eats to feel better or participates in unwanted sex just for the physical affection.
Venus in Gemini can be distractible and it takes a very intelligent partner to hold her attention. Give her mental stimulation or she’ll get bored! When this Venus is unhappy, she is a flight risk and will seek more intellectually interesting partners elsewhere.
Venus in Cancer loves the feeling of being in love and craves emotional connection above all. Although she’s a caretaker, she secretly longs to be taken care of. When this Venus is unhappy she smothers the partner with excess emotional care and needs.
Venus in Leo is an exhibitionist. She wants a lover she can be proud of. She’ll lord it over her partner if allowed to, but what she really wants is a partner as royal as she is. When this Venus is unhappy she develops a superiority or inferiority complex.
Venus in Virgo is such a perfectionist. Sometimes it seems she’ll never be pleased. But in quiet moments she’ll confess to liking the process of perfecting so much that she hopes it will all never be done. When this Venus is unhappy, she nags and criticizes.
Venus in Libra loves beauty and can be captivated by it, but will always be won over by being treated with true fairness. She wants to be on a level with the partner. When this Venus is unhappy she first capitulates, then ultimately seeks a more equitable relationship.
Venus in Scorpio desires to be swept away by love. Sometimes her instincts steer her wrong and lead to awful relationships, but her passion to love is overwhelming. When this Venus is unhappy she gets manipulative, controlling and emotionally dramatic.
Venus in Sagittarius needs freedom and space. You can’t tie this one down—she’ll run away. You can hold her attention by travel and continual growth. When this Venus is unhappy she flirts up other people to remind herself that she is attractive and deserving.
Venus in Capricorn tends to think relationship has to be work. She has a stamp on her forehead that says “Expensive, but worth it.” She wants a partner who is very solid in their career. When this Venus is unhappy she turns stoic, working harder & harder on the relationship before giving up.
Venus in Aquarius has no clear pattern—seems like her every relationship is different from the one before. Nothing less than genius will hold her attention. When this Venus is unhappy she will rebel, reacting in unexpected ways until she gets what’s wanted.
Venus in Pisces is the Dream Lover. She wants a union of souls. She can get anyone she wants by becoming their ultimate object of desire. This is a powerful ability that can be abused. When this Venus is unhappy she gives until she’s exhausted, then floats away, hoping to avoid confrontation.
Now that was a batch of extremely brief and punchy interpretations for Venus—by no means exhaustive of course. But it begins to give us an idea what this capricious archetype longs for. And if you give Venus what she longs for, the result is you get to experience love, romance, connectedness and hormonal bliss.
The Venus Pitfall
One pitfall that people frequently get into is the tendency to look for our own Venus traits outside ourselves, in the shape of another person. We think that if we can just get into relationship with someone who exemplifies these traits, we’ll have found “the One” and bliss will naturally ensue. But real human relationships are more complex than that and no one wants to be just a screen for their lover’s projections. Have you ever been in a relationship and woke up to realize that your partner wasn’t really seeing you, but was seeing something they had projected onto you? We’ve all been on the giving and the receiving end of this behavior and it’s not fun. Left unchecked, this behavior will become an entrenched pattern that can ruin all your relationships. But there’s a solution, and it’s easier than you think. People who declare they have found true love know this solution and live it everyday.
How To Handle A Cranky Venus
The key is to stop projecting Venus out into the world and instead to own and live out your own Venus yourself. Become the lover you wish you had. This means that you take on the sign your Venus is in and live it out in the most vibrant, healthy way you can. A thorough reading of Venus in your chart (and everything attached to or impacting it) can yield a myriad of clues for sides of yourself which, if you develop and own them for yourself (instead of waiting passively for someone to come along and do them for you), will lead inevitably to an increased capacity for passionate love. And once your capacity to give & receive love is increased, you will stop pushing away the love that’s all around you, right now, but which you cannot see.
When you own and become your own Venus, you become radiantly attractive to your own perfect match. This happens because you are in love with yourself (in the best possible way) and you’re not approaching others from a needy, grabby place. Everything you’ve been doing wrong starts to go right. You become more attractive and charming to people in general and more able to graciously negotiate for what you want in every kind of relationship (whether at work or at home). And from that new place, passionate, erotic love is a breeze.
A Client’s Story
Here’s a story from a client of mine, reporting back years later after receiving the advice to become his own Venus.
“You gave me some of the best advice I ever received. I told you that I was always attracted to those aloof, statuesque, Aquarian types, and they always break my heart, because . . . of course, they’re aloof. And you told me that I need to be more Aquarian—more cool, detached and logical. To become one of those Aquarian-types I was longing for. Nothing in my life has worked quite so magically as that little, really quite simple, piece of advice. Simple for someone who’s not in the middle of it, of course.
Now, I seriously doubt that you ever meant quite the way I took that info and ran with it, but it really worked! After four years of working on it, I met someone who became my girlfriend (not at all aloof, but still exciting to me), and I moved in with her, and we’ve been together for eight years now. That felt like the absolute perfect verification of your advice! I was living my Aquarian side, and it paid off for once.”
Actually, the client was wrong—I really did mean for him to take that advice and run with it the way he did. A client like that, who will make good use of my information, is worth his weight in gold. And I’ll bet his girlfriend knows it.