(If you are beginning this thread here, read this first.)

Psyche wandered the earth, lost in grief.  She found herself at the temple of Ceres, where she cleaned and tidied the harvest tools until Ceres took notice of her anguish and advised her to go to the temple of Aphrodite and beg forgiveness.  Psyche did so.  “I know you don’t like me much,” she addressed the goddess, “but I am in love with your son.  What do I have to do to get him back?”  You could just about hear Aphrodite rubbing her hands together in glee.

Aphrodite declared that Psyche might win her husband back by doing four tasks, the final of these bringing her into the underworld, to the very throne of the god and goddess of death.  If Psyche should complete these tasks, her husband, her love, might be restored to her.

What Does The Story Mean?
The tale of Eros and Psyche is the tale of the soul seeking the fulfillment of true love.  When Eros and Psyche live together in their castle in the clouds, love cannot see the light of day.  It is too fragile.  Psyche’s journey to reclaim love shows us the way to convert ethereal love into the real thing.

Timing of 2010’s Venus retrograde period
October 8, 2010:  Venus turns retrograde.  Love flies out the window and Psyche is cast upon a journey to recover him.  She submits to the process because she recognizes that the only way out is through and that love cannot be forced.
October 28, 2010:  Venus conjuncts the Sun.  There will be a relationship epiphany on or near this day.
November 18, 2010:  Venus goes direct.  Eros and Psyche are restored to each other.  The retrospective period is over, and now you must go on from here with the insights you’ve gained about your relationship.

What Does It Mean That Venus Is In Scorpio?
Venus’ retrograde journey this year takes place in the sign of Scorpio, an apt symbol for the death of a dream, for loss and grief and for the place Psyche’s journey takes her to—the underworld.

In the underworld, there is darkness and uncertainty.  We do not know what is happening to us.  Change is going on, but we don’t know what we’re changing into.  And we have no idea when it will be over.

Scorpio’s message is “trust the process.”  Love cannot be controlled, dominated or forced by the psyche.  Love comes when it comes, not when demanded.  A show of devotion helps, but only if it is not viewed as a bargaining chip.

In the upcoming weeks, as Venus continues retrograde, we’ll follow Psyche on her journey . . .

Friday, October 8 through Thursday, November 18, 2010

What Is Venus Retrograde?
When Venus goes retrograde, she takes our hand and pulls us into the darkness of our relationships.  A retrograde period of any planet is a retrospective of that planet’s themes.  It is like going into the deep, dark cave of oneself in whatever area of life is covered by the planet that is retrograde.  It is a time of moving backward, perhaps of going back to pick up pieces lost in the past.  It is a retrieval, a turning inward, perhaps a letting-go.  Since Venus’ domain is relationships, this turning inward will happen in that domain.

The Tale of Eros and Psyche—Forbidden Love
The story of Psyche’s marriage to Eros, her loss of him and her journey to recover him, is an apt metaphor for the retrograde journey of Venus.  Here is her story.

Psyche, whose name means “soul,” was a mortal woman of great beauty, beauty to rival even Venus-Aphrodite herself.  People came from miles around to worship Psyche and bring her gifts.  This aroused the anger of Aphrodite, for no mere mortal deserves to be worshipped as a goddess.  Aphrodite sent her son Eros (Cupid), who represents living desire, to punish Psyche.  He came upon her when she was sleeping, and fed her the drink of Bitterness, then touched her with his arrow, that she might fall in love with the next hideous creature that came near.  But in doing so, Eros was grazed by his arrow himself, and he became struck with her beauty, so he gave her the drink of Joy also.

Psyche was now cursed.  Everyone wanted to worship her but no one wanted to marry her.  She was unloved.  Her parents consulted an oracle, which said, “she is destined for no mortal husband” and advised them to leave her on a mountain top where a monster would claim her.  While her parents were dismayed, Psyche herself submitted and went to the mountain top.  There she was swept away by a friendly breeze to a marvelous castle, filled with attentive but invisible servants.  There also she met her bridegroom, who was loving, affectionate, charming and passionate.  He visited her daily, but only in the dark.  He gave her everything and required only that she never ask to see his face.

Psyche was allowed a visit from her two sisters, who were jealous and concerned at the unusual marriage she had made.  “What,” they exclaimed, “you only see your husband in the dark?  How do you know he isn’t some kind of frightful monster who only wants to do you harm?”  Their suspicion persuaded Psyche to break her promise to her husband and make an attempt to view him in the light.

One evening, after a fabulous (but unlit) meal and the same splendorous lovemaking Psyche had come to expect from her mate, he fell asleep in her arms.  She gently crept out from under him and, lighting a lamp, held it over him to see what he looked like.  No one was more surprised than she to see that the being she was married to was not at all a monster who wanted to hide his face in the dark, but the very God of Love himself!  She fell into a reverie, feeding her hungry eyes on his features.  Just then a drop of oil from the lamp fell and landed on his perfect shoulder, scorching him and awaking him.  “Now you’ve done it!  Love cannot live with suspicion,” he cried, in anger and regret, as he flew out the window and into the clouds.  He went back to his mother, whom he had defied in living with Psyche.

This tale–and its meaning in your life–to be continued tomorrow . . .

Last year you may remember a series of posts I wrote about the myth of Inanna, called Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  That was about the Venus retrograde period happening at the time, using the story of Inanna and her descent into the underworld as a metaphor for the conscious vulnerability that real love requires of us.

Venus has a full yearly cycle, which begins and ends when it conjuncts the Sun.  Today is the alpha and omega of that cycle.  Today, last year’s relationship journey ends and this year’s begins.  Venus will proceed direct (i.e. forward) until October 8, when it will move retrograde (i.e. backwards) again for six weeks, sending us all on another deep journey into the heart of relationship.  At that time I’ll write a post on another myth about love’s darkness, that of Eros and Psyche.  This is one of my all-time favorite myths.  I’m looking forward to it already and hope you are too.

In the meanwhile, one relationship journey has ended; another begins.  This does not mean relationships have to end.  Quite the contrary—now is a time of fresh starts and there is a sense of newness, a scent of spring about it.  The testing time is long past.  Love has been reborn.  Now is a great time to fall in love with those you care about, all over again.

In my previous post, I talked about the experience people often have that love and marriage just don’t mix for them.  It’s as if Venus, the part of us that falls in love, is arguing with Juno, the part of us that marries.  But if we find out what each of these parts really wants and we satisfy them both, it’s possible to have a stable, consistent relationship you can count on, along with all the love, romance and erotic connection you can handle.

What Venus Wants According To Her Sign
Venus in Aries wants a partner who’s honest, direct and fiery.  This Venus is impulsive about love and wants a strict “No Phonies!” zone.  When this Venus is unhappy, she is irritable, annoyed and picks fights with the partner, possibly even getting physical.

Venus in Taurus wants touch, physical affection and languorous sensuality.  Don’t rush this one!  Oh, and did I mention shopping and fine food?  When this Venus is unhappy, she eats to feel better or participates in unwanted sex just for the physical affection.

Venus in Gemini can be distractible and it takes a very intelligent partner to hold her attention.  Give her mental stimulation or she’ll get bored!  When this Venus is unhappy, she is a flight risk and will seek more intellectually interesting partners elsewhere.

Venus in Cancer loves the feeling of being in love and craves emotional connection above all.  Although she’s a caretaker, she secretly longs to be taken care of.  When this Venus is unhappy she smothers the partner with excess emotional care and needs.

Venus in Leo is an exhibitionist.  She wants a lover she can be proud of.  She’ll lord it over her partner if allowed to, but what she really wants is a partner as royal as she is.  When this Venus is unhappy she develops a superiority or inferiority complex.

Venus in Virgo is such a perfectionist.  Sometimes it seems she’ll never be pleased.  But in quiet moments she’ll confess to liking the process of perfecting so much that she hopes it will all never be done.  When this Venus is unhappy, she nags and criticizes.

Venus in Libra loves beauty and can be captivated by it, but will always be won over by being treated with true fairness.  She wants to be on a level with the partner.  When this Venus is unhappy she first capitulates, then ultimately seeks a more equitable relationship.

Venus in Scorpio desires to be swept away by love.  Sometimes her instincts steer her wrong and lead to awful relationships, but her passion to love is overwhelming.  When this Venus is unhappy she gets manipulative, controlling and emotionally dramatic.

Venus in Sagittarius needs freedom and space.  You can’t tie this one down—she’ll run away.  You can hold her attention by travel and continual growth.  When this Venus is unhappy she flirts up other people to remind herself that she is attractive and deserving.

Venus in Capricorn tends to think relationship has to be work.  She has a stamp on her forehead that says “Expensive, but worth it.”  She wants a partner who is very solid in their career.  When this Venus is unhappy she turns stoic, working harder & harder on the relationship before giving up.

Venus in Aquarius has no clear pattern—seems like her every relationship is different from the one before.  Nothing less than genius will hold her attention.  When this Venus is unhappy she will rebel, reacting in unexpected ways until she gets what’s wanted.

Venus in Pisces is the Dream Lover.  She wants a union of souls.  She can get anyone she wants by becoming their ultimate object of desire.  This is a powerful ability that can be abused.  When this Venus is unhappy she gives until she’s exhausted, then floats away, hoping to avoid confrontation.

Now that was a batch of extremely brief and punchy interpretations for Venus—by no means exhaustive of course.  But it begins to give us an idea what this capricious archetype longs for.  And if you give Venus what she longs for, the result is you get to experience love, romance, connectedness and hormonal bliss.

The Venus Pitfall
One pitfall that people frequently get into is the tendency to look for our own Venus traits outside ourselves, in the shape of another person.  We think that if we can just get into relationship with someone who exemplifies these traits, we’ll have found “the One” and bliss will naturally ensue.  But real human relationships are more complex than that and no one wants to be just a screen for their lover’s projections.  Have you ever been in a relationship and woke up to realize that your partner wasn’t really seeing you, but was seeing something they had projected onto you?  We’ve all been on the giving and the receiving end of this behavior and it’s not fun.  Left unchecked, this behavior will become an entrenched pattern that can ruin all your relationships.  But there’s a solution, and it’s easier than you think.  People who declare they have found true love know this solution and live it everyday.

How To Handle A Cranky Venus
The key is to stop projecting Venus out into the world and instead to own and live out your own Venus yourself.  Become the lover you wish you had.  This means that you take on the sign your Venus is in and live it out in the most vibrant, healthy way you can.  A thorough reading of Venus in your chart (and everything attached to or impacting it) can yield a myriad of clues for sides of yourself which, if you develop and own them for yourself (instead of waiting passively for someone to come along and do them for you), will lead inevitably to an increased capacity for passionate love.  And once your capacity to give & receive love is increased, you will stop pushing away the love that’s all around you, right now, but which you cannot see.

When you own and become your own Venus, you become radiantly attractive to your own perfect match.  This happens because you are in love with yourself (in the best possible way) and you’re not approaching others from a needy, grabby place.  Everything you’ve been doing wrong starts to go right.  You become more attractive and charming to people in general and more able to graciously negotiate for what you want in every kind of relationship (whether at work or at home).  And from that new place, passionate, erotic love is a breeze.

A Client’s Story
Here’s a story from a client of mine, reporting back years later after receiving the advice to become his own Venus.

“You gave me some of the best advice I ever received.  I told you that I was always attracted to those aloof, statuesque, Aquarian types, and they always break my heart, because . . . of course, they’re aloof.  And you told me that I need to be more Aquarian—more cool, detached and logical.  To become one of those Aquarian-types I was longing for.  Nothing in my life has worked quite so magically as that little, really quite simple, piece of advice.  Simple for someone who’s not in the middle of it, of course.

Now, I seriously doubt that you ever meant quite the way I took that info and ran with it, but it really worked!  After four years of working on it, I met someone who became my girlfriend (not at all aloof, but still exciting to me), and I moved in with her, and we’ve been together for eight years now.  That felt like the absolute perfect verification of your advice! I was living my Aquarian side, and it paid off for once.”

Actually, the client was wrong—I really did mean for him to take that advice and run with it the way he did.  A client like that, who will make good use of my information, is worth his weight in gold.  And I’ll bet his girlfriend knows it.

To find out more about Venus in YOUR chart
and how you can find real love
or deepen the love you already have,
contact Jamie at pandora@pandoraastrology.com
for a private, confidential reading.

Articles in this 3-part thread:
Do Love & Marriage Really Go Together Like A Horse & Carriage?
The Key To Love, Romance and Hot Sex—Venus Tells All
How To Have A Happy Marriage—Juno Tells All

Not for everybody.  In fact, in many cases, the way a person falls in love is quite different from how they commit to marriage.  This leads to difficulties, as most people will fall in love with the sort of person that turns them on, but they wouldn’t want to commit themselves to that person.  What to do?  The solution lies in honoring both sides of ourselves—the side that falls in love and the side that commits—from the very beginning of the process.  But how do we do that, if we don’t know which sides of us those are, and what they want?  Astrology can help, because your style of falling in love and your style of committing are shown clearly in your chart.  Your chart shows these two sides of you, what they need and how to keep them satisfied.

Venus is the Lover in You
Venus is the romantic, erotic side of you, the side that falls in love.  It’s your Venus that feels all those yummy hormones and brain chemicals that are swimming around in your system when you meet somebody attractive.  And it’s Venus that suffers when you “fall out of love” or are rejected.

Venus In Your Chart Can Tell You:
•    What qualities to look for in a lover
•    What “true love” feels like for you
•    What’s in the way of your finding true love
•    And how to maintain love over years and years

But Venus is by no means the whole story, because . . .

Juno Is The Mate In You
Juno is an asteroid in the asteroid belt that runs between Mars and Jupiter in our solar system.  Juno represents the archetypal mate and in your chart she represents your capacity to marry or commit.  She is also the Queen of Heaven, a consummate people-person and matchmaker.

Juno In Your Chart Can Tell You:
•    What qualities to look for in a mate
•    What you value in a marriage and how you behave when you’re committed
•    What you need to be able to hold onto a committed relationship over time
•    And what’s in the way of commitment for you—as well as how to solve that.

When Relationship Worlds Collide
For a few lucky people (about 11%), Venus and Juno are in harmony in their chart and sliding from romance to commitment—and maintaining romance while committed—is pretty easy.  But for most of the rest of us, there’s some kind of conflict between the two, resulting in situations where:
•    You meet somebody you love to date, but the idea of marrying them is inherently repellent, so you have to teach yourself to be attracted to “mate material.”
•    You love dating and cannot stand the idea of marriage or . . .
•    You would love to skip the awful dating process and just settle down with somebody.
•    You keep finding yourself with someone you love and want to marry, but they don’t want that with you and you string yourself along, wasting your time and theirs.
•    You feel like a refugee from a movie where the main character has a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  Venus whispers one thing in one ear and Juno whispers something completely different in the other.  It’s enough to drive you crazy.  What to do?

How To Integrate Them
Begin by saying a nice hello to both Venus and Juno.  Thank them for giving you a way to connect to others at all.  Then ask them what they want.  When you find out, accept that this is a real need for you and give it to yourself.  When Venus in Gemini whispers to you “I really like dating smart people,” you’d better listen, because dumb-but-pretty will not hold your attention for long.  When Juno in Sagittarius whispers, “I need somebody adventuresome and free,” don’t go for Mr. Moneybags—he’s too busy worrying about the bottom line to take you traveling.

There is a trick to this, though.  When they ask for stuff that’s bad for you (like enticing you toward that really sexy person you know will be a train wreck to date), don’t listen.  Instead, figure out the healthy version of that thing and give Venus or Juno that.  Instead of getting lost in a codependent mess because Venus in Cancer whispered “I need to be needed,” try looking for someone nurturing and caring but also emotionally independent.  You could get lured into an abusive relationship with someone because Juno in Taurus whispered “I want presents!” and you got distracted by bling.  Instead, settle down with someone solid who likes to cook with you and takes you shopping at sensible intervals.

I’ll be devoting my next two blogposts to what Venus and Juno might want, according to the sign they are in.  You’ll find out what this means for you.

Articles in this 3-part thread:
Do Love & Marriage Really Go Together Like A Horse & Carriage?
The Key To Love, Romance and Hot Sex—Venus Tells All
How To Have A Happy Marriage—Juno Tells All

From March 6th through April 17th, Venus is traveling retrograde (i.e. backwards) through our skies.  The Venus retrograde period is a time for reevaluating your relationships and your capacity for love.  While Venus is retrograde, notice the places where you are drawn into your relationships’ darkness and notice the ways you might find increased intimacy there.

The retrograde journey of Venus is depicted in the Mesopotamian tale of the descent of Inanna into the underworld.  It is the story of a journey into the dark places in relationship, an attempt to recover lost love.  During her descent, Inanna was stopped seven times, at seven gates.  Each time, she had to remove one item from her person and leave it behind so she could go on.  Any or all of these items might have symbolic meaning for your explorations during this Venus retrograde period.

At The Seventh Gate, the Gatekeeper Demands Inanna’s Raiment
Inanna’s raiment is her royal garments.  They are the mark of her dignity and self-possession.  They are the last thing that protects her.  Her identity is vested in them.  “But I’m a queen!” she cries, “These garments are mine by right!”

Without clothes, you are utterly naked and your dignity is no longer there for you to hide behind.  In removing them you are removing the last vestiges of a false self-esteem.  You are saying, “I need no embellishment; I am enough just as I am.”  Pretense is entirely gone.

The Gatekeeper Asks: 
Are you willing to be stripped, unembellished, before your partner?  Do you believe they will still love you in your nakedness?  Are you willing and able to love your partner as merely another human being, not the charming creature who first enticed you with their attractive exterior?  Do you have a deep, human connection with him/her that goes beyond surface attraction?  Can you be your real, ultimate self?

This is the final gate.  What purpose does your dignity serve you now?  It is the hard core of your resistance.  In stripping the raiment off you are saying, “I am merely human, like everybody else.  When you do so, you join the timeless community of everyone who was ever hurt by love.  It makes you human and brings you into the fold.  You are one of us, naked and in pain.  This is ok.  It happens to us all, sometimes.  And then, inexplicably, it passes.  We leave the darkness and re-emerge into the light.  This is how we grow and evolve.  It is natural, organic and right.  And no one is an exception.

For the whole story about Inanna’s journey and what happened at the other gates, look at Venus Retrograde: Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  This is the final post in this thread.  Venus goes direct on April 17.

From March 6th through April 17th, Venus is traveling retrograde (i.e. backwards) through our skies.  The Venus retrograde period is a time for reevaluating your relationships and your capacity for love.  While Venus is retrograde, notice the places where you are drawn into your relationships’ darkness and notice the ways you might find increased intimacy there.

The retrograde journey of Venus is depicted in the Mesopotamian tale of the descent of Inanna into the underworld.  It is the story of a journey into the dark places in relationship, an attempt to recover lost love.  During her descent, Inanna was stopped seven times, at seven gates.  Each time, she had to remove one item from her person and leave it behind so she could go on.  Any or all of these items might have symbolic meaning for your explorations during this Venus retrograde period.

At The Sixth Gate, the Gatekeeper Demands Inanna’s Breastplate
A breastplate is armor for the heart.  It is self-protection against life’s discomfort and pain.  The armored heart feels no pain, but it also feels no love.  Love cannot penetrate the hard exterior.

The human heart is meant to be soft and penetrable.  Relationship is not a battleground.

The Gatekeeper Asks: 
Are you ready to simply open your heart and share your true feelings with your partner?  Can you let their true feelings in?  Are you willing to be hurt?  Can you find yourself in the middle of battle, wake up and realize it’s not a battleground, then courageously take off the armor?

To truly share with a partner is to adventure into chaotic realms where control is no longer possible.  It is sometimes terrifying and sometimes exhilarating.  The breastplate is the ultimate armor.  It represents a simple refusal to open your heart, to feel, to be vulnerable.  On Inanna’s journey, it’s one of the last things to go.

For more about Inanna’s journey and what happened at the other gates, look at Venus Retrograde: Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  I’ll post about the seventh and last gate in about a week.

From March 6th through April 17th, Venus is traveling retrograde (i.e. backwards) through our skies.  The Venus retrograde period is a time for reevaluating your relationships and your capacity for love.  While Venus is retrograde, notice the places where you are drawn into your relationships’ darkness and notice the ways you might find increased intimacy there.

The retrograde journey of Venus is depicted in the Mesopotamian tale of the descent of Inanna into the underworld.  It is the story of a journey into the dark places in relationship, an attempt to recover lost love.  During her descent, Inanna was stopped seven times, at seven gates.  Each time, she had to remove one item from her person and leave it behind so she could go on.  Any or all of these items might have symbolic meaning for your explorations during this Venus retrograde period.

At The Fourth Gate, the Gatekeeper Demands the Gems Inanna Wears on Her Breast
Inanna’s gems represent decoration, charm and distraction.  They draw attention to Inanna’s feminine assets.  They sparkle and delight the eye, as if to say “but look how cute I am!”  The gems are a way to seduce and persuade instead of really relating.  They are a distraction from what is really going on.

When you feel you are losing a battle, do you switch tactics to seduction or enticement?  Do you need to look good in front of your partner?  The gems are distracting decorations that draw attention to your good parts rather than your flaws.  What might happen if you stopped trying to look good—to your partner or to anyone?

The Gatekeeper Asks:
Are you willing to let go of looking good?  Are you willing to let all of yourself be seen, not just the attractive parts?

By extension, do you need your relationship to look good in front of others?  Are you more focused on surface or substance?

Put the gems down.  Leave them at this gate.  Looking good no longer matters.

For more about Inanna’s journey and what happened at the other gates, look at Venus Retrograde: Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  I’ll post about the next gate in about a week.

From March 6th through April 17th, Venus is traveling retrograde (i.e. backwards) through our skies.  The Venus retrograde period is a time for reevaluating your relationships and your capacity for love.  While Venus is retrograde, notice the places where you are drawn into your relationships’ darkness and notice the ways you might find increased intimacy there.

The retrograde journey of Venus is depicted in the Mesopotamian tale of the descent of Inanna into the underworld.  It is the story of a journey into the dark places in relationship, an attempt to recover lost love.  During her descent, Inanna was stopped seven times, at seven gates.  Each time, she had to remove one item from her person and leave it behind so she could go on.  Any or all of these items might have symbolic meaning for your explorations during this Venus retrograde period.

At The Third Gate, the Gatekeeper Demands Inanna’s Necklace
A necklace covers the throat, which symbolizes Inanna’s voice.  A person’s voice is at once an aspect of her selfhood and a medium for connecting with others.  To have a voice in a matter is to speak your mind truly, honestly and completely, leaving nothing out.  However, to connect with others, you must modulate your voice, soften it and consider the other’s point of view when you speak, so that your words can be heard.  You must also be prepared to listen, because communication is not just speaking—it is also hearing.

Inanna’s necklace covers her voice, thus muting her message.  She might well be using the necklace to sweeten her voice, to persuade and manipulate and avoid speaking her truth.  Or she may be using her words as weapons to sting and hurt.  Either way, the necklace is in the way of her truth and the Gatekeeper says it must go.  And if Inanna is struggling to speak, then chances are good she is having trouble hearing too.

The Gatekeeper Asks: 
Would you rather speak charming words than tell the truth?  Do you habitually decorate your communication so that you can persuade without conflict?  Have you gotten comfortable withholding the truth—do you need to speak what you have been holding back?  Are you ready now to say all that is in your heart and mind?  Put aside any anger at having to hold back, because to hold back has always been your own choice, not forced by your partner.  Your truth is your own responsibility.

When you speak, can you do it in a way that allows your truth to be truly heard by your partner?  Are you listening to your partner’s voice?  Do both of you have as much say as you need to have in the matter?

Communication is love and withheld communication is withheld love.  Talk it all out, uncover every stone to reveal every unsaid thought, but don’t stop at revealing what’s painful, dark and ugly.  Persist beyond that to the heart of the matter.  Something beautiful is buried underneath all those unspoken words.  When you are ready to confess (out loud) that all your defenses are powerless in the face of real, authentic love, then you have truly taken the necklace off.

For more about Inanna’s journey and what happened at the other gates, look at Venus Retrograde: Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  I’ll post about the next gate in about a week.

From March 6th through April 17th, Venus is traveling retrograde (i.e. backwards) through our skies.  The Venus retrograde period is a time for reevaluating your relationships and your capacity for love.  While Venus is retrograde, notice the places where you are drawn into your relationships’ darkness and notice the ways you might find increased intimacy there.

The retrograde journey of Venus is depicted in the Mesopotamian tale of the descent of Inanna into the underworld.  It is the story of a journey into the dark places in relationship, an attempt to recover lost love.  During her descent, Inanna was stopped seven times, at seven gates.  Each time, she had to remove one item from her person and leave it behind so she could go on.  Any or all of these items might have symbolic meaning for your explorations during this Venus retrograde period.

At The Second Gate, the Gatekeeper Demands Inanna’s Scepter
A scepter symbolizes force and the willingness to use it.  A scepter is a threat, a way to control behavior.

Most people who bother to be in a relationship want it to continue and almost everybody feels a fear of abandonment, however well concealed it might be.  If a relationship is seen as a contract to stay together and bond, then a threat of withdrawing love, attention or compassion is a powerful one.

This kind of threat is most effective when it is hidden; when seen in the light of day, it is clear what it is—a way to control.  But a loving relationship is no place for coercion, whether obvious or veiled.

The Gatekeeper Asks: 
What threat are you secretly holding over the head of your lover?  Are you eagerly planning to withdraw something (love, support, nurturance, attention) if they don’t give in to what you want?  Have you figured out what they prize most about the relationship, in anticipation of someday needing such a withdrawal?

To the one who is holding the scepter, the lover looks like an enemy and holding out a threat seems necessary, perhaps even for the survival of the relationship.  But what if fear itself is the real enemy, dividing you from this precious person that you love and don’t happen to always agree with?  What if letting go of control had nothing to do with the survival of yourself or of your relationship?

Can you let the threat go?  Are you ready to acknowledge that you have absolutely no control over what your partner does, not really, and that you never have?  Do not try to sneak past this gate—you cannot pretend to let go of control.  You have to actually do it.

Remember Where You Are
At this point, we’re deep into the underworld and it’s not a game anymore.  These feelings and thoughts are very uncomfortable to look at.  Congratulations for doing it.  This examining of the dark corners of how you conduct your relationships is the very work that will re-infuse your relationship with life after the dark period is past.

For more about Inanna’s journey and what happened at the other gates, look at Venus Retrograde: Descent Into Love’s Darkness.  I’ll post about the next gate in about a week.